Update Dec. 2022

I've been away from this account for a couple of months for a few reasons. I have needed time and space to decide what I need to prioritise in this struggling life. I still don't have the answers I'm looking for.


The first reason to step back was because of the overwhelming demographic of this account. It is simply too triggering on a personal level now to surround myself with people who worship a man in who is not only enabling but empowering a well-known rapist. I am tired of hearing the rationalisation from the other side, especially when no one wants to understand mine.


Despite my best efforts to prevent such a scenario, I’m finding myself detached from every friendship group I’ve been part of, constantly questioning why this is happening and why I can’t do anything to halt this slide. My confidence and trust in the people around me is dwindling all the while. I do not find myself relatable to anyone anymore. I still stare at my phone in frequently late hours of crisis and give up thinking no one will answer. I am a listener and not a talker because I am never allowed to talk. I'm sure this is all connected somehow, someway.


For the last seven years I have sought to better myself at everything despite the huge mental hurdles needed to even stay at pace with what I should be capable of, let alone try and overachieve. For seven years, this has largely failed despite my best efforts to try my hardest and put myself in the best positions possible.


I have been feeling stuck for all of 2022. The desire to leave my place of work because of the impact on my mental health has also completely halted progress in every other aspect of my life. Without money, I cannot move forward in adulthood by moving out again. Without time, I cannot pursue any other interests. Without improving physical health, it will be harder to improve mental health. I am full of anger and resentment, apathy and loneliness.

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